When Kim Jong Un gets drunk and starts scolding like an angry mom


When you’re the supreme, ultimate leader of the otherwise poverty plagued North Korea, things can get a bit dicy, as there’s lots of things to do. For one, you have to be sure to ban sarcasm. You’ve got to be an American capitalist hater. You’ve got to be sure you get a chili bowl haircut on Fridays before happy hour. And after you make it to happy hour, you’ve got to…make your country’s military leaders stay up all night and write apology notes.

What, you don’t make your underlings write apology notes? It’s all the rage now.

Apparently, on Tuesday, the Japanese press reported that Kim handed a fierce drunken speech seminar to the country top military leaders after having one too many drinks.

“That one of you were able to produce not even one [sic] military satellite is a misconduct that is commensurate to treason”, Kim reportedly told senior officials while inebriated, which occurred in September. No, that’s not a typo, he really said that. As punishment for this treason, he allegedly made them stay up all night to write letters of apology.

Normally, most people would just pass this off as their boss being a jackass, but in North Korea, where the stakes are a bit higher, folks know that Mr. Un does not play around. Since taking power upon the death of his father, Kim Jr. (no kin to Nick Jr.) , has reportedly consolidated power and stamped out all dissent within the country’s power circles.

In September, Kim reportedly had one of his senior officials executed for simply slouching during a meeting. He also was rumored to have two other officials executedin August by anti-aircraft guns — one for proposing policies that challenged the supreme leader, and the other for falling asleep in a meeting, though those reports could not be confirmed.

Suffice it to say, the generals on the receiving end of Kim’s drunken tirade had the worst night of their lives. Luckily, in the morning, after he’d sobered up, Kim apparently forgot what he’d done. “Why are you gathered here?” Kim asked them. “Be careful about your health because you are all old,” he added, maliciously. They reportedly began weeping with joy for the unexpected reprieve/next-day amnesia.

I don’t know about you all but I don’t trust any guy named Kim while drunk with nuclear launch codes that gets amnesia.


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